who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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