"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
