I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
