Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
