If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I love you. Go after that dick
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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