so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
