You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
