How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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