Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
