So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
