im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
