After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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