remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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