There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
