I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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