she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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