this beer tastes like vomit already
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
