Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
