so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
