so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
