i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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