literally had 100 drinks last night.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
