yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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