I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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