Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
