Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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