Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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