You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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