btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We are all done wearing pants today
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
