Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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