I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
