if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Randomize
