You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
