I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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