Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
