PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
