Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
