STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
