I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
