I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
