He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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