Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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