R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
how do you play pong handcuffed?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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