Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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