just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
