So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The feeling are messing with the penis
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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