Are we in a gay sports bar?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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