Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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