I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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