You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
