Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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