see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
