Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
