Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Randomize
