He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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