Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
