I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
