nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
