I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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