Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
